Big

I used to try to make myself so small

Like if I could fit into the cracks and crags

No one would see me

Huge and amplified

All my insecurities

All of my beauty

Would shrink along with me

And then maybe,

I wouldn’t have to be

 

So huge

 

Now, with my ideas

Now with my full moons and my love

Now with my wet eyes

Now with my thunder thighs

 

 

I used to try to shrink myself way down

A silver sliver that would slide into oblivion

Who would not have to stand at the grand podium of god and shine in golden shimmers of light and say

 

This Is Me

 

all my edges all my mounds all my might and all my insecurity

here I am, this is me, and

I am grown now

Responsible for my glory

I own my fate

And all this love flows from my hips

Again and again

 

I return

 

Larger toward the grand union, the one

Here I am

Big thighs

Wet eyes and all,

 

Here I am

 

For all to see.

 

On Leaving

When he left me, I was an uncorked bottle of primordial mud oozing down past the crust of the earth.

Flickering into earth worms and spreading my stench, like death, through millennia of dust.

I was the stuff of menstrual blood

A pre-lingual woman who squats in the dirt

Fermented heart and eyes like vinegar

Eyes like a jagged scream

 

Eyes just like no one ever knew me

 

-Eyes like the endless dunes of night….

And a mouth just as long and as loathsome as your tattered feet in flight

A Mouth as lost and hollow as the empty street light

 

That hung its heavy head like a bent (spent) poppy

and splattered shattered fragments of light across the night

Under the moon, by the river

 

The night we broke our promises.

 

When he left me, I was a shattered window pain

And the empty space of a forgotten name

 

The stars were all blinking out and it was I to blame.

 

 

 

When you met me

I was whole, as whole as can be

I was strong and miles tall but soft as a stream

And steady in my dreams

I was one woman and not half of one circle

 

 

For years that woman slipped away

Quietly

Into the nooks and crannies of your neck

But she’s come to call on you now

And tell you

 

I’m back.

 

Thighs like sledgehammers and mouth like a diamond

 

I’m back.

 

Flanked by wolves and scabs of night

 

I slip across my shadow, and tear long holes in my soul but its real and it’s me.

 

 

 

You are such a slippery thing, like a gust of wind you ripple through my hair

My fingers tare across the air but then;

 

You’re Gone.

 

I sit within the pool of my molten soul, so hot and cold.

You’re gone.

I wonder if you were ever really there at all.

 

 

This is the part where I grow strong.

 

 

New Clothing Line!

I’m thrilled to announce my new collaborative clothing line created with Sprout of Infinite Wind Designs. You can check out all of the designs on my etsy page at www.etsy.com/shop/emkell <3 clothing-line-banner-1-copy-copyadvert-1-copy

To My Future Daughter

When I first heard your heartbeat, it was drumming out across the earth

It started deep, down in red clay

And worked its way on up to birth

When I first new you were coming,

Old trees bowed their heads to me

They had held you in their roots, you see,

And couldn’t wait for us to meet!

When I first knew you were coming, the wind wept joyfully

She was an old, old friend of yours

And she had danced among the trees

For many centuries

Calling your body up from the dust and your soul down from the stars.

My Emily

Theres a tree outside my window

And her name is Emily

Shes got curling pubes of mossy green and arms of ebony

Shes got yonis and stories and bark bitten memories

 

She’s got rooms in your heart even you haven’t seen.

 

Through the window pane she harkens me with fierce and barken beams

Can’t say how I know we share a name

But her lips!

They breath to me.

 

Whispering crinkly through the forest grounds, loose leaves leave and fall free.

Oh! My heart, my brain, my moon

My stars!

My Emily.

We’Moon

I’m just thrilled that all the We’Moon stuff is here, and thrilled to be a part of this publication! We’moon is a publication that features artwork and writing from women around the world, as well as a calendar, lunar calendar, astrological insights, and more! It is just amazing and full of goodness and this year the cover artist is yours truly! 🙂 I am so honored to have art amongst so many talented women, and thrilled to be a part of this community. I’ve just uploaded all the available We’Moon merchandise I have onto my etsy site at www.etsy.com/shop/emkell Please check it out! I’ve got greeting cards, date books, wall calendars, and more!Screen Shot 2016-09-03 at 6.04.15 PMScreen Shot 2016-09-03 at 6.05.51 PM

Omega

It was a blessing to receive instruction from the Greys at Omega this summer. What an incredible pair! I learned so much, both about process, and business, as well as spirituality in art and so much more. I’m so grateful for this incredible opportunity to work with two visionary art heroes! And I hope to join them again in years to come.
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Wake Up In The Palace Of The Heart

Here are some pictures of my recently completed mural! I am very excited to have finished this beast of a painting, and hope for more opportunities to work in this scale. With this one I have to say, I am so grateful to all the inspiration I have received from Peruvian art and culture, and give thanks to the people of Peru for their wonderful inspirations, and for letting me in to share in experiencing some of their culture and medicine.

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Shadow Work

I have walked beyond

The hungry gates of darkness

I have passed the bridge into the night

I have seen them

Swimming like minnows

Flickering, beating pin pricks of light

Floating with something more than gravity

Back into the tender eyes of source

 

I have called out to you

Across the long chasm of silence

Deep and wide and full of emptiness

I have shared my last loaf of light

I have walked

Naked and empty handed through the soul’s darkest night

My last crumbs fell across your shoes like stars

And hours, days, infinite moments, passed, as we grasped at fleeting light in the deepest patch of shadow

 

And here we stand hand to hand

Wide awake and open

Our veins uncovered

Our shadows outspoken

 

Twilight lingers where our edges touched.

 

 

I have read all the unwritten maps

Folding and unfolding

In every inch of my skin

I have walked through dusk and dawn

And I will tread this path again

 

I have wandered-empty-across the plain of darkness

And felt the weight of ripples

Ripping through reality like fingers tearing tissue paper

Echoing on every layer

 

The tide goes out

The tide comes in

The web is spun

The minnows swim

 

My eyes have seen

All my myriad lives spread out before me

Eternal, in every direction

The cycle unfolding

A circle, a sphere

We’re blossoming, molding,

Becoming more real

Multiplying faster and faster

The velocity tears the fear away, and the edges of your tears all fray, moaning into laughter

I have seen this, again and again

A million million stars hanging on to a web

A billion little pieces of blue glass

The darkest sky, the brightest stars

The night’s untold grey mystery:

She unfolds into day

The suns the rocks the stars the people:

We all explode

And fade away

I have watched the hills of many lives turn over,

Sitting on the bank next to you.

I have drank the brew and stirred the stew

I have faced the moon,

A stony mirror that hangs forever

In the ether

I have stood stone still

On the banks beneath her

Waiting for the tide to open up his arms of sunspeckles and seafoam

Waiting for the tide to turn

For the sun to burn

For the hills to bear their ancient bones

Waiting for the grandest celestial symphony

To loose the light and take me home