Big

I used to try to make myself so small

Like if I could fit into the cracks and crags

No one would see me

Huge and amplified

All my insecurities

All of my beauty

Would shrink along with me

And then maybe,

I wouldn’t have to be

 

So huge

 

Now, with my ideas

Now with my full moons and my love

Now with my wet eyes

Now with my thunder thighs

 

 

I used to try to shrink myself way down

A silver sliver that would slide into oblivion

Who would not have to stand at the grand podium of god and shine in golden shimmers of light and say

 

This Is Me

 

all my edges all my mounds all my might and all my insecurity

here I am, this is me, and

I am grown now

Responsible for my glory

I own my fate

And all this love flows from my hips

Again and again

 

I return

 

Larger toward the grand union, the one

Here I am

Big thighs

Wet eyes and all,

 

Here I am

 

For all to see.

 

On Leaving

When he left me, I was an uncorked bottle of primordial mud oozing down past the crust of the earth.

Flickering into earth worms and spreading my stench, like death, through millennia of dust.

I was the stuff of menstrual blood

A pre-lingual woman who squats in the dirt

Fermented heart and eyes like vinegar

Eyes like a jagged scream

 

Eyes just like no one ever knew me

 

-Eyes like the endless dunes of night….

And a mouth just as long and as loathsome as your tattered feet in flight

A Mouth as lost and hollow as the empty street light

 

That hung its heavy head like a bent (spent) poppy

and splattered shattered fragments of light across the night

Under the moon, by the river

 

The night we broke our promises.

 

When he left me, I was a shattered window pain

And the empty space of a forgotten name

 

The stars were all blinking out and it was I to blame.

 

 

 

When you met me

I was whole, as whole as can be

I was strong and miles tall but soft as a stream

And steady in my dreams

I was one woman and not half of one circle

 

 

For years that woman slipped away

Quietly

Into the nooks and crannies of your neck

But she’s come to call on you now

And tell you

 

I’m back.

 

Thighs like sledgehammers and mouth like a diamond

 

I’m back.

 

Flanked by wolves and scabs of night

 

I slip across my shadow, and tear long holes in my soul but its real and it’s me.

 

 

 

You are such a slippery thing, like a gust of wind you ripple through my hair

My fingers tare across the air but then;

 

You’re Gone.

 

I sit within the pool of my molten soul, so hot and cold.

You’re gone.

I wonder if you were ever really there at all.

 

 

This is the part where I grow strong.

 

 

New Clothing Line!

I’m thrilled to announce my new collaborative clothing line created with Sprout of Infinite Wind Designs. You can check out all of the designs on my etsy page at www.etsy.com/shop/emkell <3 clothing-line-banner-1-copy-copyadvert-1-copy

We Are Praying

I

Was a babe

Blinking, spinning

Tumbling out

The soft machine of skin

Gave way to me

Again, again

 

I was a babe

Not knowing the course teeth of womanhood

Of course

Not knowing

The delicate balance of being and showing

Of grounding and growing

 

I was a babe and unafraid

My only point of reference was sweet love

No words plotted to box in my existence

To limit my reverence

To create a fate for me

 

It is late now but I see

That there’s still that babe in me

The round pewter and cream

The tarnished varnish of the dream

The drizzle splash and gleam

The soul that lives between

The skin,

the bones,

the dreams;

 

The most authentic bit of me

The ends that justify my means.

It is dark now, the veil is thin and I can see

The immortality in me.

The rounds from ground to sky to earth

The mound, to spirit, back to birth.

Nature, in her immortal beauty, reclaims your breath

Again and again

You return

You reach a pinnacle:

A life that burns

With purpose

 

You are newborn and anointed by the milk of stars

I am newborn, I am space worn

We are wartorn and this world is ours.

 

I am a child born in bones and skin

I am a child of stardust virtues and of earthly sins

And one of many

Scrying for stars in my tealeafs

Screaming out between the lines of injustice and corruption

Dreaming out between the minds of lust and trust and loving

Screaming and crying

Dreaming and scrying

Learning how to live between the birthing and the dying

Learning how to take the wake standing, sitting, lying

 

Learning

how to breath

 

underwater.

Coming up for air and breathing stars and musk,

Between the cycling dawn and dusk.

 

This is me and I am

one of many.

 

we are the warriors of the new dawn

we are praying to keep moving on

we are praying for disclosure

we are praying for change

we are praying to remember

the wisdom of our ancestors

our prayers burn the world like embers

and open up the ancient eyes of earth

this fire turns the land and offers up rebirth

our people are the hopeful menders

the fire tenders

our people are moon people

our people are bone people

our people are sun people

our people are stone people

our people are lying in the grass of self discovery

whispering prayers into the creases of each other’s palms

our people have strong hands that are lined in secret psalms

our people are a strong people to inherit the earth with all her bounty joy and pain

and we are praying to ourselves and all those prayers gather like rain

we are praying for our health

we are praying to ascend

we are praying for salvation

for the hate and war to end

we are praying for creation

we have a tear which we must mend

we are praying for the means to be justified by the end

we are praying to the everything, which is woven in impossible oneness, and nevertheless,

is.

We are praying to resurrect heaven on earth

Not for some, but for all

We are praying to the earth and to the moon and to the air

We are praying to each other to hold the light and take the stages

We are praying for our mothers, sisters, brothers,

For our lovers, for the witches, for the moon strung mages

 

We are not praying for some far off god to take a hand and mend the tear

We pray to the spark in each of us

To the thread that connects each spark

We are praying to tear down the curtains and light up the dark

To bring the babes, marching and dancing,

Scrying crying,

Snaking and prancing

Out of the dark ages and into the newborn light.

 

We are here to light a path

We are here to hold the door

We are here to stop waiting

 

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

 

 

 

 

To My Future Daughter

When I first heard your heartbeat, it was drumming out across the earth

It started deep, down in red clay

And worked its way on up to birth

When I first new you were coming,

Old trees bowed their heads to me

They had held you in their roots, you see,

And couldn’t wait for us to meet!

When I first knew you were coming, the wind wept joyfully

She was an old, old friend of yours

And she had danced among the trees

For many centuries

Calling your body up from the dust and your soul down from the stars.

My Emily

Theres a tree outside my window

And her name is Emily

Shes got curling pubes of mossy green and arms of ebony

Shes got yonis and stories and bark bitten memories

 

She’s got rooms in your heart even you haven’t seen.

 

Through the window pane she harkens me with fierce and barken beams

Can’t say how I know we share a name

But her lips!

They breath to me.

 

Whispering crinkly through the forest grounds, loose leaves leave and fall free.

Oh! My heart, my brain, my moon

My stars!

My Emily.

We’Moon

I’m just thrilled that all the We’Moon stuff is here, and thrilled to be a part of this publication! We’moon is a publication that features artwork and writing from women around the world, as well as a calendar, lunar calendar, astrological insights, and more! It is just amazing and full of goodness and this year the cover artist is yours truly! 🙂 I am so honored to have art amongst so many talented women, and thrilled to be a part of this community. I’ve just uploaded all the available We’Moon merchandise I have onto my etsy site at www.etsy.com/shop/emkell Please check it out! I’ve got greeting cards, date books, wall calendars, and more!Screen Shot 2016-09-03 at 6.04.15 PMScreen Shot 2016-09-03 at 6.05.51 PM

Omega

It was a blessing to receive instruction from the Greys at Omega this summer. What an incredible pair! I learned so much, both about process, and business, as well as spirituality in art and so much more. I’m so grateful for this incredible opportunity to work with two visionary art heroes! And I hope to join them again in years to come.
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Wake Up In The Palace Of The Heart

Here are some pictures of my recently completed mural! I am very excited to have finished this beast of a painting, and hope for more opportunities to work in this scale. With this one I have to say, I am so grateful to all the inspiration I have received from Peruvian art and culture, and give thanks to the people of Peru for their wonderful inspirations, and for letting me in to share in experiencing some of their culture and medicine.

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The Trouble With Being A Sensitive Pleaidean Soul Bourn Into This Earth To Help Transform It

Oh moon and stars

Oh great mother mystery

Oh higher self, oh god in me

Why have you left me in this place

Dropped me from the sky

A round peg into a square hole

What will this disgraced land teach my ever living soul

And why could I not learn those things

Safely in your starry bossom

How can I blossom

With this concrete lid

Orchids never grow on the sidewalk

And I may never know how to talk the talk and walk the walk

I may never wax fierce and fit the mold and pick the lock

And I may never have that roar

That all my friends think I need

I may stay forever a

Meak green unsprouted seed

Beneath a burning sidewalk

I absorb each footfall

And people say hey little seed why don’t you scream

And bear your teeth

And scratch

And I say I’m a fucking seed I have no teeth

 

Why do I burn burn burn

And yearn for a home I can’t remember

Why do my words

Catch in my throat

Like dying bees

Or sizzling embers

 

Oh mother

Oh father

Oh People magazine

And vogue

Why have you taught me to be mild and meak

I’m going rogue

I’ve got to speak or ill explode

There’s hatred in the water

They put fluoride in your dreams

There is poison in the medicine

There is runoff in the streams

There’s commercial propaganda splenda spam wam bam thank you ma’am chemotherapy media mcdonalds bullshit

 

There is Misunderstanding.

 

Misinformation spreads like oil over the masses

There is a big bleeding hurricane of racism

That everyday, gets fed

The icebergs are melting

The rainforest’s dead

And everywhere

Republicans roam the earth

 

And I feel this

 

I feel all of these

 

From my little seed

 

Beneath the side walk

 

Now I’m sprouting

And you’re doubting

The substance of what I say

You stupid genius

With your fingers on the keys

And your insults up your sleeves

And your opinion

 

Come at me

 

A crack forms along my outer shell

I am sprouting

Leaves curling into fists

And ascending into this mockery of daylight

Come at me

Lets ascend together